i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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