On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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