so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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