I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize