I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
