Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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