I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
