there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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