420 ftw
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
