Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
