Cold hands, warm shart.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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