He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
