I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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