I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
