Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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