During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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