Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
