just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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