I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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