the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
