Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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