you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Welp...herpes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
