also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
