A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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