bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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