She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize