nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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