The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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