Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
