I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize