she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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