i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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