remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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