Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
