Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
