I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
home. puking in laundry basket.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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