his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
