Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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