i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
