kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
