Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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