This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
