New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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