Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
