There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
