does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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