I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
