he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
