I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
