i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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