We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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