they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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