I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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