i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i out mim tonsoeep
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize