11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
