Already got asked if we're dating
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
