We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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