Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
