we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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