I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize