It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
