if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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