Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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