dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
