can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
