So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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