I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
