you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
