stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
