Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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