i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
