When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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