cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize