I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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