Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
