I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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