I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
